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Trip Hazard Advisor

by Jackal Trades

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    Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality downloads of Make Things Happen, Bo$$ / The Glenboig Snap, At This Point, Last Man Standing on the Edge of the World, Trip Hazard Advisor, Besides Yer Face : The Remixes, and Need the Character (s). , and , .

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1.
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I remember cheeky reefers and the empty three litres in a large unfurnished flat with the small wall heaters freezing frosty jacks with the pre-pay meter emergency credit where the beeping would defeat us tonight, the pipe's leaking and it's the shite season found out your best friend is guilty of treason what a back-stabbing, thieving, has-been heathen just forget the daft lies the cretins been breathing ignore the excuses don't eat up any reason don't provoke them or feed them starve the demon of feeling roll a jay in a tearoom at a PTA meeting no stone left unturned adrenalin is fleeting did he deserve that beating coz he threatened to leave them they built jack which was like a kick in the teeth, em? they built him like butane breathing for exam cheating or intervening ketamine before Olympic skiing still not sure if they could or chose not to teach him another life ago mother freaking out frequent out from wayward children and a lack of proper sleeping 4 am the door creaking the sound of kids creeping out the gate, underage, smoking weed, getting steaming suicide on your doorstep leaves the crew reeling it's a godless scheme here that is surely due meaning don't do diligence just codeine the army seems appealing we kicked the ball against the wall the no ball games sign counts as a goal even hanging around is against the law burned out car on the lawn from the night before a Merrydown riot, a chip shop diet Techno, Britpop and hip-hop transmitted from a sky dish or a chipped box with a knock-off Ariel on digital blaring for free like a fairytale whose the best looking? whose the best fighter? who has fake ID? whose got a CD writer? from wrapping swings to rapping frees from climbing trees to burning trees then the guy with weed started punting eez 14 and driving cars behind the factories then a rise in knife crime guys started dying and Simon says why we got to put a school tie on? who you fancy? what games you got? oh, my cousin works for Sony so I own the lot sometimes imagination is all you got and pretend friends stop you losing the plot
3.
everybody in the house who loves house music who never got allowed in the house to ever prove it he doesn't want to swagger up so he shuffles feet and the fact he's coming up makes his stomach weak nostrils blocked with nausea heart pounding to an impending euphoria the sound system thumping in the distance beckons him over baseline nurtures and corrupts him, will he keep his composure? it's a locked door, a closed book sharp eyes looking for a wrong foot or a cobbled up excuse of gobbledygook one slur or feigning truth and that's it your oot rolling solo, dressing casual mixing lynx with brut a misfit mixed up youth chapping at the wrang hoose what's he got to lose? rejection and embarrassment The doorman's Ten Foot Tall guarding his establishment armed to the gunnels with words of disparagement an expert in turning nights out into an argument a hypocrite who says his face doesn't fit try somewhere else , on some regulars only shit
4.
she was cursed with the gift of trying to better herself it made her incredible yet she questioned the results noone understood her some were jealous as hell how can she want mare ? that there perfect gerl yeah she was special she cast spells one look from her could make you hear wedding bells some envied her youth some youths envied her experience and wanted to be her match her outlook and appearances admired by her peers and with a band, she rocked and never feart of a hard slog held down a real job she was beautiful interesting unique she held so much strenghth sometimes her knees would go weak she de been blessed with the curse of trying to better herself she never stayed still always reaching for the top shelf and that got confusing that and being scared of losing it all came crashing down when simply commuting or in a moment of silence a fuzziness came forth the sound of millions of sirens but honestly way worse it was the like the world ended and ground to a halt ground down like pepper and mine shaft salt noone knew from afar they assumed she fine she worked hard, played hard with no warning sign but the truth is she was fighting a battle with the worst a battle with a gift that became a curse it's like before birth she dared the omnipitent being and said do your very worse please go heavy on the feeling give me every high and low multiply by twenty i dont want or do half measures please give me plenty don't want the glass half full nor the glass half empty tempt me with your famous fruit on this planet that you've sent me I want to feel the air , every molecule every nano-second, every temperature God said 'I can do anything I am God but I warn ya ... if I amplify the joy then I'll amplify the sorrow If you want to climb a mountain never rest on your laurels maximisise the great night out will mess up your tomorrow where there is love there is hate perfect plans mean mistakes and if you lead the line then you'll struggle to escape you'll get trapped in that wonderful mind of yours your imagination becomes a sort of assault course of riotous discourse that treads eggshells on tiptoes and flips through the freakshows with skitzos and weirdos who sniff coke lines with winos you find outside casinos where highs become cheerios and weak become heroes when fear grows you bleed though and dont seem so keen on people waiting on the first train home coz your taxi fare got veto-d Basically, either way She was out of Jack's league So pretty , down to earth ith a magical mystique But she kept looking over wirth soft smiling eyes He summoned up the courage to ask if she's 'aright' she says she's very well but her friend is boring going home she wanted one more drink , she's member of the casino no fucking way Jack gets the knockback everywhere but curiosity and hope are transfixed by her stare they manage to get in and they chat for two hours straight if she knows he's a loser he won't get a second date She asks "what do you do" He had ty just come up with something, Said he was a bone fide asset management consultant" makes an assumptive close for her phone number and it's working pulls out a bookies pen well it's better than nothing will she call him ? or call his bluff? Does she know that he s bluffing? Even the poker table next door knows he's not from London a pack of lies told like a pack of cards sold to a pack of old wolves too old to ever fold well he rolled the dice and he bet on black She hears a siren screeching and has a panic attack She goes to the toilet but walks out the riverboat left in such a hurry that she even left her coat he finishes his beer and finishes her cider wakes up hungover to sign on finds out she's his Job Advisor
5.
we with withdraw towards a lawless chord nothing out of the ord for this long, we warred, odd spot to pop a jaw-dropping awe with far-out thoughts in a psychiatric ward on the surface, we act unworried, star-studded entities pretend to be sturdy a herd of words heard by the early birdy subsidized by extensive, comprehensive studies bloody-minded hands bloodied boots muddied make cursory calls ruthless and hurried the greedier we get then the more malnourished and all our good deeds never go unpunished we get caught flat-footed underfoot it's unfurnished nursing injuries with courage so we banish the nurses (Get out! I can look after myself) these unfinished symphonies around my brain they ricochet grand designs of infamy moving in on me without a glint or a hint of a lick of paint failing miserably tired? considerably wired? religiously why am I deliberately contradicting every fact I ever state? red eyes ping like a pinball machine jarred by free whisky on the radar of a slurry barfly dumbed down smart guy numbed out sharp eye far cry from the sprightly youth who politely charged by scarred by harsh light in here highlighting coarse flaws both forgetful yet regretful? of course, he was disrespectful to a fault just because just because the sound of a glass smashing`s post-sarcastic applause hardly anytime had passed yet ageing badly too much alcohol and backy a fairly bad on the Charlie a foolhardy laddie gawn mad on the Bacardi dropped a bank card down the lavvy god bless the black cabbie or any chaps who ticks and tabs or sticks on slabs glad that bar banned me, local scallywags went daft the lonely road home laced with booze and fags in my father's footprints, same path as my dad`s r dare I say imagine which I have always found comforting I am numbering a list of everything I'm bloody murdering and some things seem simple , the dim still scream dimples and everyone you ever met is innocent yet sinful still learned sweet eff all but that the windfall can be swindled your info can be speed dialled and your love of books re-kindled but I didn't think much, i never thought much just a joint for my bed and a drink for the bus I had trust issues and launched missiles at refs deny addiction with a poker face smoking from my bed a bed of my own making that I laid out shaking made out my own reflection from a cold steel railing the mirror cracks when I smile look back it's broken glass how much longer can a short-fuse be dishonest with a past? scriptwriters of the universe helped land me in a cast a shocking amount of broken bones always a second lightning flash I was mocked because I had the gall to look up now the fire exit's locked and the hostages shook up scared of a far up heights made you scarred for life but then you give yourself a pardon cause it's chaos nights postponed the old thought patterns rules are blocked and scattered pills go down the hatchet, old habits back and happen the last thing you'de expect gets cracked an that is back in fashion cashing in compassion for a cat dragged in reaction
6.
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8.
forever falling emphatically butterflies in my belly sell me a plan b remedy to embellish all my jealousy Far-flung instinct developed from ancestry the meaning of life password protected in the DNA meloncholy messages transmitted from vague energies language barrier a certainty comes with the territory terminal illness with a promise of eternity the let it be equity sold by zealots every day universal references are set to be the death of me threaten my integrity and whats left of my legacy free falling apathy contradicting gravity a zero hour contract in a slaughterhouse factory raised in a strange place with a small town mentality savagery critique for speaking in a unique way those wings get clipped before they flee the nest let's pause the backlash till these cats at least see success I can see the patterns drowning in the quick sand but can't stop it from happening they say you can't change the world this is ludicrous every move you make creates your own universe your 5 closest friends you and them are influenced the ones you spend the time with impacts an actual difference I escaped eternal doom by several foot with a cobbled up excuse of gobbledegook we sing when we win we sin when we re broke if we're in it for ourselves is our synergy woke? is our temperament to pin the tail on something to cope point the finger or dont or are you chinning a bloke? or are you singing for your supper till they chip in a poke somewhere along the way we lost sight of simple folk a short-term bandage to manage such a blinkered approach with crumpled up notes and a singular vote frozen to the spot gripped by shadowy intruders forever falling back till we hack the computers we used to plot and dream now the dream is reoccurring rot and scream, glued to screens and the pain is enduring I can see the patterns drowning in the quick sand but can' stop it from happening I can see the patterns
9.
I see my fallen comrade in the multiverse of sleep What was once a nightmare is just somewhere we now meet We meet, we greet, we speak, reminisce and digest Wake up before you get to tell me why you faked your own death Nothing dead about the memories you sprinkled in your wake The stardust in our footprints, the gusto in your flames Nothing dead about the memoirs they don't see fit to print But they don't seem fit to live to me they don't live they exist They cast a stonic judgement from the safety of their layer They lay inside a shell while you live on in a prayer You live on in the truest anecdotals of our time And you now live on in anyone who tolerates this rhyme Last night the skyline crouched down, looked me dead in the eye A dark cloud motioned to me that you were doing fine Cosmic reassurance is all I have to mend me At least these hallucinations recently got friendly Chinese whispers shape-shifting through oxygen Morphing into something that is nothing of the origin People act like they know you and make dangerous assumptions Trying to re-write certain histories when memory malfunctions There's not many left who were in our class So it's only right that I raise this glass My friend, my witness to ten thousand of our stories Nowadays nobody truly really knows me But I'm grateful that we met and it's great we sometimes speak When I see my fallen comrade in the multiverse of sleep
10.
No money nor senses n fear of consequences no future in my headspace only pounds and pences death was a threat so real and always near no reason to believe I would be here in a year they say weed is a gateway drug to smack and speed but Cannabis was a gateway drug to Amber Leaf and in the middle little pills made me feel invincible no cameras, no karma god damn I felt invisible transparent looked past and looked through so I looked down to a convoluted crew who when needed were not found some of these clowns act sound but when you need back up they back out and run off so we crack up and act out friends by geography so I span the atlas missing in action and loving the practice stretching the bandwidth, pushing the envelope living out travel light baggage but always pack a telescope (and hope) One star from the Gutter na-na I saw one star from the gutter in hindsight probably got me away with murder got on the right line elsewhere from a lifetime where knife crime kept appearing on my timeline I was a nose hair away from a teenage overdose a joyride gone wrong or Ten years for selling coke ask my peers if you can find them and tell them I said 'Hi!' I didn't want to leave but I didn't want to die absconded Scotland for some time with a warrant for a fine It caught up with me just as I turned out fine I remember that phone call vivid sorry Ronnie won't be into work today, today I'm in prison jail wasn't so bad, wasn't Shawshank dark but not the tabloid's description of a holiday park you could sleep in and skip meals if you wanted tae it had terrestrial tely for Match of the Day I kept myself to myself but met a guy from round are way who assured me I had hanuners if someone slashed my face cheers mate! great to hear which added to the backy some pennies for the payphone and a matching bowhouse tracky I was O.K and had my own space initially which meant no sharing, Isolated in peace from the bigotry wrote lyrics all day on A4 sheets... borrowed from a screw who humoured my innocence speech anti-establishment poems penned (you can imagine) no love for the magistrate, the polis or the admin not fuckin' Butlins, once in, promised, vowed never to return one star on trip advisor freedom's much more fun not much nite life, not one single bar behind bars so we gathered in a church to hear a former stripper she chat's about addiction and her brush with prostitution how she got clean and how religion got her through things couldnae care about a few days when guys twice my age had families, locked away, with Twenty stretch sentences a guard slams open the door- 'You've been liberated Jack' the congregation in the chapel shouts 'Hallelujia! I left my cellmate my pouch of Golden Virginia and exit sinister gates- bitter but sillier bitter pretty bitter pretty bitter but a little but sillier
11.
as dramatic as a lass screaming 'alas' at a pivotal moment during midnight mass particularly potent protesting a plan surrounding cuddly chemicals AND a communal can are we drifting swiftly intay an infinite kingdom the serendipity circles me and brings in a rhythm more than a twinkle of suspicion within this glitchy system another broken Britain victim politician posted missing and I am burying another wingman and you're bewilderingly querying us about deductible income let that final line just sink in let the fishing rod rip your head off until these words are ringing (ready to tackle anything that C manifests) -SAMPLE? --- 'Death Before Employment' Find a thing to try and dance to truculent by nature but nurtured by my puzzlement complex descriptions of our future malnourishment dagger in the dirt dazed and reciting dead job prospects instead of arts and crafts and writing but here I am chicken frostbitten gooey-eyed acclimatised to trauma, remind me who died? climbing heights the nerviest explorers despised the badly advised captain's vessel capsized capsize like the capsule in my wallet looking gaunt but ran the gauntlet threw a rock into a big Loch with Goliath swinging off it blistery paws in blustery gales fingernails in many pies so I try to set sales nobody's buying what I offer gold dust tossed off like copper an undercover and a prozzer sorry, where the fuck was I? I mention you with a frosty whisper, this foggy breath dispenses truth with an advert for adventure , Now I wish I never met her, unemployed job advisor left the death of the centre talking fluff, arse making buttons taking stuff in murky functions trying to make a cheery toast with a cheezy host from Butlins showing symptoms now from bad moves made on vast assumptions but the victim's someone's cousin excuses coming by the dozen i feel like I'm important as if im somehow special but im just a spec of metal , a mental identical freckle i nestled with the petrol and changed my speed to orchestral take heid pretty petal , I am pettier than vet school
12.
Note to self-destruct these fuckers can't be trusted the boom and bust erupted, well adjusted, done and dusted it's the stuff myths are made of how folklore gets corrupted not enough nuts were busted out here on earth on purpose it's the hoopla faux pas getting naked out in public lack of appreciation is making it not worth it all these worthless fuckwits chuck it when the buck hits nuggets think they're memorable well not exactly my first buckets we remember days fondly when we remember nothing ask for jobs on social media-ha! the socials not working the road to good intentions disrupted by obstruction cursory glance cursing all the means of production from afar I'm a drunken gun-jumping stumbler just bluffing an utter nightmare wordsmith mumbling nothing or a nutter onto something but prone to much consumption but they're dumbing down the cunning it's a miracle I function Sometimes I look ahead with mind running sometimes I look back and start yearning but sometimes I live in the present, (Happy as larry till the consequence gets us ) I've been feeling better or I've been feeling better a subtle line in the sand and it cobbles together ques around the block for medicine some friends can get you anything illness fuels economy until the day of reckoning at your beck and call to be driven up a wall passengers get passive till you set out your stall and tall orders are a tell tale sign of fuck all trawl the internet for decades crack heads of wall am lucky am still here and not buried in the fear a thousand worries and reasons require why I buy beer I try dear you have no idea I try dear you have no idea'
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16.

about

This is the story of a young man called Jack who goes on a schemadelic trip after being baffled by the oversaturation of neverending advice in the digital information age. A spin-off concept album following up the journey of 'Jack the Lad' which appeared on the 'Need the Character(s)' album. Every song was recorded in September 2018 with the exception of Track 9. This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events, locales, and incidents are either the products of the author's imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental. Honest guv'nor.
Thanks to all the many talented people who helped put this together in such a short space of time so we managed to get it released in time for our Glasgow Barrowlands show.
Special thanks to Ashtronomik for recording most of the vocals at WeGoIn studios and anybody who joined in on the Trip Hazard Advisor project. Thanks to all our friends and family for their support. Thanks to everyone who supports local music or if you live really, really far away and still support it then thank you for supporting really, really far away music.

credits

released October 1, 2018

Produced by Martin Windebank, Daryl Donald, Laigo, Physiks, Asthmatic Astronaut, Mistah Bohze, Konchis, Scatabrainz, Andy Martin.
All songs Mastered by Tom S Ray.
Mixed by Konchis, Ashtronomik, Laigo, Mistah Bohze, Toni Smoke, Gordy Duncan JR, Dangermoney.
Recorded by Ashtronomik, Gordy Duncan JR, Andy Andersson, Soundthief
Featuring vocal performances by Jo D'arc, Mistah Bohze, Becci Wallace, Gordy Duncan JR, Becca Starr, Sev Ka, Doghouse, Josephine Sillars, Ant Thomaz, Colonel John McMustard, Ashtronomik
Artwork by Mark Penrose
Taxi Photo by Mark McG
Additional design by Martin Windebank and Spee 6'9
Thank you to all my collaborators past and present, you inspire me every hour of every day (and Tam the Van obviously. That should go without saying by this stage)

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